Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
