hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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