I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wannas sexs uuuuu
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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