Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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