brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
