i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
