jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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