the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
