apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
