I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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