it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
