im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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