i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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