Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
