If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
