last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
