So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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