You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
