dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There r osticjed everywhere
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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