We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
