things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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