Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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