Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
