She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
