Can i not drive my cunt home
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
