Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
