Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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