my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
