One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
