I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
