MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think i got beer on your cat.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
