Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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