so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
