Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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