About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
