My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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