Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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