Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
