oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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