Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize