Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how drunk are you?
Several
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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