I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
