My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
