He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Girls should come with a carfax report
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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