I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
