Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my poor anus
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