i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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