fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
