This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All the doctor said was why
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
