Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
