The maid of honor just puked.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
