Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
