I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
