Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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