Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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