then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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