whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize