I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
