Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
