He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
