She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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