My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
