I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
