It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
