i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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