Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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