It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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