I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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