Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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