i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just gargled with NyQuil
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