I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
