i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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