Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
