Your face is a jimmy john
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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