bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
