Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
