He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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