Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
