I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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