Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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