i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
