Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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