Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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