It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize