god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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