maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
