just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
