chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize