Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
