also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
