Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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