i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
