11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
