He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
