He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
