I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
