I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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