she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just puked most of my soul out..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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