Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
