You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize