Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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