I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
