There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
