I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
