I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
